OH! NO! School's out!!!

If you're like hundreds of parents, you are about to face one of the scariest things. All summer with no idea what you are going to do with all their energy and mischief.




Then again, you may be one of those perfect moms who is so organized that you have left no time for them to get into trouble!! If so, I'd like to read your book when it comes out and find out how that's workin' for ya.



For the rest of you, I'd like to suggest that you take a few days with your spouse and discuss your family values and identity. Make a list and write down what your expectations are for your family. Be sure to pray hard and get the help in doing this. Beneath each item, write down the Scripture from the Bible that supports or teaches you to do them. Then find biblical rewards for following these "expectations" (don't call them rules). Be sure to include the Scripture reference where you found the rewards.



Then, make a third column in which you write down the biblical consequences for violating the expectations. Of course, you will want to write that reference below each item as well.



Make sure that you blog me if you are having trouble understanding what I am talking about and I will help you with it. I'm sure other readers will want to know as well.



What this does, is takes the "fight" out of parenting. It shows your kids that you did not just grab an idea from insanity. It actually makes kids proud to know that their parents care enough about parenting to search out Bible reasons for their parenting choices.



Now summer can be a joy. When kids know what is expected and why ...they know the rewards and consequences of their choices... when they know how to please you, they are more likely to be obedient children you can afford to give them more freedom.



Now I know that it is not as simple as it sounds at first blush. But it does work and is worth the work. I have helped many families to work through the issues and establish peace in their homes. So, do not hesitate to call me and seek my help. I will not charge you. You can make an offering if you like, but that will be up to you.



Please register for our next Family Reconciliation Retreat at www.teenharvestretreat.kk5.org. There, you can work through family issues in a community setting and find the help you need.



God bless you, Pastor Paul

"Normal Teenage Problems"

....You say what?? "Normal teenage problems?" Yes, indeed, we hear this phrase often. A parent will call to inquire about Teen Harvest or the Family Reconciliation Retreat and tell us that their son or daughter just has "normal teen problems," or words to that effect.

Hhhmmmmmm. I tell you the truth. After 39 years of being a teenager myself ...uh! Well, I never got over it since I have always worked with teens since I was 16. The truth of the matter is there are two kinds of kids. The ones that make their parents happy and cause no trouble and the ones that worry their parents or even make them really mad.

Sure, some are worse than others. But I have learned that when parents say, "My son just has normal teenage problems" ...the whole time they are calling a boarding school for boys... what they mean is, "My kid is driving me crazy! I'm worried about him and I don't know what to do. Of course, he is not nearly as bad and some kids I see. In fact, I see many kids who act just like my 'Johnny'!"

The Bible tells us (in Proverbs 22:15) "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him." So then, it is normal for kids to be foolish ...these parents are correct on that account! But it also tells us that proper discipline will drive it far from him.!

I have known dozens of families, mine included, that have never had to deal with "troubled teens". ...what was that you said? ...that is because you never had a strong-willed child? Well, I guess you never met my boys! At least two of them had very strong wills. However, with proper discipline and training, they never did rebel, or vandalize anyone's property, or steal a bicycle or... well, you got the picture.

You see, children want to please their parents. They want their parents to be proud of them. But most of all, they want their parents to discipline them!!!! Kids instinctively know that they are loved when they are given godly, reasonable discipline and they feel UN-loved if they don't get it. When they don't get the discipline they crave, they will "act out" to see if they can inure the love they feel that they are missing.

Make no mistake about it. Kids who are discipline problems are crying out to be rightfully and lovingly disciplined. If you have a child who is doing drugs, it may be because they feel more love from the drug crowd than they do from you, of it may just be that they are trying to see if you love them enough that they can provoke a corrective response from you.

Oh, I know that it is usually more complicated than that, but ...in a nutshell... this is the lesson for today. Is it any wonder that kids know without being taught what the Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Uuhhh! The rod? Well, yes. In the original language the word means "ROD". But that doesn't mean that you have to break off a tree limb and take out after your kid. It does mean that the child needs and wants an immediate response to their foolishness.

The best lesson for me came from one of my foster sons who shocked me, one night, with the comment, "Dad!" he said, "Do you now why I love you and mom so much?" I said, "Tell me." His reply, "No one ever told me 'NO!' before. When you tell me I cannot do what I want to do, I know that it is because you think it will be bad for me and that means you love me enough to say, 'NO!" He went on, "My real mom and all of my foster parents never told me 'no' or said why I couldn't do something because they didn't care, but you do care ...and I love you for it!!"

Please join us at one of our Family Reconciliation Retreats this summer, or call for special times. Visit our FRR web page at: www.teenharvestretreat.kk5.org. for more discussion of how to raise happy teens!!

Enjoy the blessings of the LORD!

Sincerely, Paul

Date set for Family Reconciliation Retreat!!

GOOD NEWS!! We have set the date for our next Family Reconciliation Retreat. It will be April 15 to 17, 2010.

I will once again be joined on the panel by Dr. Thomas DeVol of New York and the rest of the team in this interactive seminar where whole families participate. It is a time for great fun and laughter, hard work, discovery and deep healing. We cover everything from struggles in your marriage; to out of control teenagers; to health issues. We want you to go home changed!

There will be "FREE" Computerized Electro-Dermal health screening for those who want to take advantage of it. There will be singing. There will be family games.

These Family Reconciliation Retreats are all about healing families. Plan early to attend!! Even if you don't believe you have problems in your family, you will be very glad you came!! You will not regret it!! If you know another family who is struggling with troubled teens or just can't get along, show them you love them by bringing them along!!

Space is limited, so don't wait. Send me an email right away at: teenharvest@teenharvest.com.

Loving to serve, Pastor Paul Neighbour

Attracting "Followers" to this Blog

I really believe in this project. I have a conviction and a calling to help restore families: husbands and wives to be in love with each other and God; Children to love and honor their parents; parents to feel satisfaction and pride in their children; and trust ...did I say TRUST???

This is the calling that we at Teen Harvest have from the Lord ...and it is a sure calling from the Holy Bible -2 Corinthians 5:16-21.

The reason I have not "blogged" here more often as planned, other than the fact that I am obviously very busy "raising" boys who could not get along at home, is because we have not attracted many followers as of yet! My time is valuable and I must use it in the most advantageous way.

SOOOOO.... Please help me get people to "follow" this blog and ...VERY IMPORTANT... request that I address topics of concern to them and their families! :) I will always answer a question as quickly as possible. I am also available by email at: teenharvest@teenharvest.com. If you need to talk to me by phone, I will give you that number when you write me with a request.

Have a blessed day, and get busy now!! :) :)
-Paul

Parents are the example

The tip of the day for parents is: "Live like you want your children to live!" I cringe when I hear parents fondly telling stories of the dumb things they did as teens or young people in the hearing of their children. Your children not only feel free to do what you did too ("Dad/mom did it and he/she turned out OK, so will I!") but they want to do it "better".

One couple gleefully told how the wife had had an affair with a guy before they met and had a mutli-racial child as a result. They seemed proud that it showed that they were not predjudice ...and after all, they really loved him and he turned out pretty good. Much to the horror of the parents, their daughter took off with a strange man at a very young age and tried to get pregnant.

To contrast that story, I was talking to a woman recently who is in her 60's who told me how she decided to make a significant change in her life without saying one word to her married, adult children. Much to her surprise, all of her adult children made the same change in their lives without one word being spoken.

The Bible says, in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And [even*] when he is old he will not depart from it." In Deuteronomy 11 it says, "18 “Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 20 And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth." (NKJV)

The Word of God teaches us that if we set the right example for our children they will walk the walk all their lives!! Now you know what to do. DO IT! :)

* the word "even" is implied in the original language.

Help With Troubled Teens

People ask me, “How did my son (or daughter) get so messed up?” They usually say something like, “I gave him everything I could, I taught him right from wrong, I took him to Sunday School and church, he has never gone hungry; what went wrong? Why did he become so rebellious and angry?”

By the time parents ask me these questions, most of them are ready to hear the answer. But they still do not like the answer when they here it. The parents who do listen and follow closely the advice I give will, likely, regain their child’s heart, love and respect.

What I’m going to do in the next few blogs is discuss some of the reasons why kids rebel and get into trouble. I’m also going to give you insights that you can use to bring your family back together. So, read often and write me with your questions. I will answer all your questions (eventually) and your questions will help me know what kinds of things you want to read here. If you need personal help, please feel free to email me and ask in private. Thanks!

Family Reconciliation Retreat

Wow; Did we have a great time in our first Family Reconciliation Retreat! This was a life-changing event for several people. If you missed it, you missed a real blessing! None of us will ever be the same again. There is no need for families to struggle with marraiges or children. There is peace and joy to be had. Ask us for information for the next Family Reconciliation Retreat right away!! God will bless you.

Preparing for Paint

Ah I'm sorry once again for taking so long to update this... We've been awfully busy around here lately, trying to finish the house and preparing to launch our Family Reconciliation Retreats in just a few weeks (be praying! The first retreat is scheduled for the end of this month!).
These past few weeks have been exciting. We got the kitchen, hallway, and sewing/laundry room textured and are now applying the fireproofing base paint coat. We purchased the top coat paint for the kitchen and will be applying it soon! Here are some pictures of the boys working hard at painting the base coat:

Exciting Things to Come!

Hello Teen Harvest supporters and prayer warriors. We are planning a new venture in ministry to bring families in crisis out to Teen Harvest for a 4 day intensive Family Reconciliation Retreat. This will also be a good opportunity for families who just want to learn what the warning signs are and how to avoid family problems before they start.

We are going to have morning and evening seminar style classes with individual and family counseling sessions during the day. When families are not in one of these places, they will have the opportunity to participate in “family-togetherness” games and activities. Activities such as horseback riding, nature walks, fishing, table games playing basketball, volleyball or soccer and, as time goes on, a ropes course, a zip line, 1890’s vintage ghost town with dress-up activities and so on.

To this end, we need to build 10 cabins. These will be available other times for many other reasons, such as a prayer retreat for families or individuals, or for people who just want a place to spend a few days in the woods.

We are hoping that individuals, church groups or families will step up to the plate and either build one of these cabins, decorate and furnish one or both. Or someone might want to just send the money for us to hire one built in their name. In any case, time is of the essence! We plan to hold the first seminar in at the end of October!

Please pray for this effort, and if you want to know how you can help, send me a quick note and I will tell you how! :)

Blessings in Christ, Paul

The Building of the House

Hello there! First of all, my appologies for taking so long to get around to this. So many things to do around here, and so many blog topics to choose from! But I thought perhaps a good place to start would be with pictures from building the main house here at Teen Harvest. This project started in late 2003/early 2004 and is still going on today. It started with building an addition on to the old farm house that was orignally here at the ranch, then building a school/church building to house the office and school room, demolition of the old farm house, and now re-construction of a "second addition" where the old house used to stand. The finished house is just under 5,000 suare feet and includes 10 bedrooms (3 master bedroom suites), a large living room/family room, a spacious commerical kitchen/dining room, a basement (which will double as a game room and storm shelter), and a garage. God has blessed us immensely throughout this buildling project, providing us with finances and labor along the way when needed, as well as enabling us to use a few cutting-edge safety features and energy-saving technologies. Every step of the process was given much thought and prayer in hopes of providing a safe, fun environment for our students for now and for years to come.
Here are some pictures. I appologize that they are grossly out of order, but I could not get them in order.